I found it in a drawer last week.
To be honest, we found a lot of things last week. Fabric left over from the valances and quilts Mom made for my babies. Puppets and books from Mom’s days as a music teacher. Old dollhouse furniture that Mom helped us make from tissue boxes and frozen orange juice cans. The beaded blouse Mom wore to my wedding. And many, many more things.
My sisters and I were helping Dad go through some of Moms things, and it was a week full of memories. Some items we stored in the basement to go through later. Some things came home with us. Some were given to Good Will, and some, like the dollhouse furniture, was just too old and musty to keep at all.
As I was going through one of Mom’s drawers, I found several copies of an essay Mom had written several years ago. She was recalling a time when she was in a hospital bed. As I read her essay, my first thought was: Hey! My mom could write!
Most of us realize that our moms are more than moms, especially once we become adults. Our moms have their own pursuits and interests; their own talents and abilities. Rationally, we as adults know this, and yet…our moms are our moms. So while it shouldn’t have been a surprise that Mom could write, especially since she wrote me scads of letters and was a teacher, I was still surprised when I stumbled upon this essay. And of course, being a blogger, I thought: Mom could have written a blog!
While all these thoughts going through my head were nice, those thoughts were not the most important part of my find.
As Mom was lying in that hospital bed on a Sunday morning, most likely recovering from one of her surgeries she had when she was about my age now, she thought about church. She wrote about how important her church family was to her. She wrote about her faith in Jesus, and how her Savior died for her.
I can’t relay all of her thoughts as I sit here at my laptop; that essay is still sitting in that drawer 350 miles away.
Grief is a powerful thing; after Mom’s death, all that grief shook my faith. Was Mom in Heaven? Would I see her again? Or once a life is over, is that it? No Heaven, no Jesus, just death. I never lost my faith — but I couldn’t help having these thoughts.
But that short essay, written in Mom’s flowing handwriting and beautiful language, helped to strengthen my own faith. While the purpose of that essay was surely to strengthen the faith of its readers, Mom didn’t know that it would strengthen the faith of her own daughter who was struggling over such a great loss.
She would be glad that I stumbled upon her writing that day.
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What a beautiful and moving post. Moving through grief is probably one of the hardest things we will ever be faced with. It can shake the faith of even the strongest person. So glad you held on to yours!Hugs!PS: I dropped in from Mama Kat's
wonderful post ((hugs))
What a truly treasured find! Sounds like it was almost like a conversation you could have had with your mom. So glad you came across it. Lovely post!
I had a similar experience with my mom. I found an essay she wrote in high school – it was really good! and I had the same realization.Lovely post.
I had shivers while reading this post; to discover her essay and that she could write and then the topic of the essay given why you were there…It makes me think our loved ones are always close to us even when they are in heaven. Thank you for sharing something so special with us!
What I find out about my mom I find in her sewing…
Beautiful words. My mom is not a great writer, but she pours so much of herself into her quilts that I can't help but keep them safe from Sprite, even though my mom wants her to use them. It's juct nice to have such a significant piece of her with us.
Your mother's faith has served to strengthen mine as well! Thank you for sharing this beautiful story.
What a wonderful thing to find! No matter how much we know about someone we never know everything!
What a gift to have stumbled upon her essay! It can be bittersweet, finding things that allow us another glimpse at a loved one's personality who is no longer with us. My beloved grandpa passed away in February and like you, although my faith remained intact, it forced me to confront my stances on heaven and what comes after all this. You're right — grief is indeed so very powerful. I pray as you continue on you'll find comfort in little reminders like your mother's essay, in the arms of those who care about you, and in the hope of each day that you're given.
this post brought tears. What a beautiful piece about your mom, and in turn about all of our moms. I love how God works in our lives to strengthen us and uses things like mom's letters to bring us back to strong faith. Just beautiful BPM. Thank you for sharing. I think this is my favorite BPB post this week. 🙂
Beautiful post today! I think people love reading your blog because your words ring so very true. You write what the rest of us are thinking. 🙂
What an incredible tribute to your mom and what an incredible gift to have found that last essay *from* your mom. This post is so heartfelt and touching; thank you.
Oh, what a gift. I can't imagine how loved you must have felt by reading her words. So powerful!
So glad you found something to remind you of your mom. She sounds like an awesome writer too!
I think she is rejoicing as I type that you found that letter. I bet it's the one gift she never intended to give you that has meant more than she ever could have known. Thank you for writing about this — sharing your find and your struggle and your growth despite the grief. {P.S. Your tea should get to you by Monday. 🙂 }
What a beautiful gift she left you! I love that she was prompted to write something that would someday comfort and inspire her daughter…there are no accidents!
It's amazing how seeing something written in someone's handwriting can be so powerful. My kids picked a bedtime story the other night from a book that my grandmother had given them. I opened it up and saw her note to them. 3 1/2 years seemed like yesterday and I was grieving all over again. What a treasure you found!
What a beautiful gift your mother left to you! Thank you for sharing it with us!
I agree, even though you know your mum is clever and all, she is still your mum first of all. And what a great find! I would have made a copy to take home with me!
Grief really is an ongoing thing isn't it? I imagine you experienced many emotions while going through your mom's things. I sure did when my siblings and I did the same thing. One thing we discovered was that she had kept every single birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, whatever occasion card my kids or I had ever given her. And my sisters' kids' too. There were literally bins of cards!! We couldn't believe it and of course, we couldn't throw them out! So the ones we sent her are now in bins in MY basement!! We would make Hallmark so proud! Thanks for the post that reminded of this. I'm smiling now.
It would be nice if we could think of our moms as women and not just moms while they're still with us. I'm happy you found that letter. Nice to know your mom found strength in her faith and that you find strength there, too. Beautiful post about your mom.
I love how God places things in our lives just when we need them.If you had seen that note earlier right after your mother passed you may have just ignored it. His timing is always perfect.