A Sensory View of Writing

That summer, the girl sitting next to me wore a “Frankie Say Relax” shirt quite often. We both sat behind large, green electric typewriters, learning how to touch type. If we made mistakes, we had self-correcting tape which left an obvious white mark on our papers. Learning how to type was very frustrating; it was much easier to just pick up a pen and WRITE.

Just a couple of years later I headed to college, my typing skills much improved. I was the proud owner of a slick Smith-Corona typewriter. It still left white correction marks on my paper, but the keyboard typed much more smoothly than the green clunker in that high school classroom did. That typewriter helped me hand in many papers on time; that typewriter helped my GPA. In just a couple of years typewriters became outdated, and I spent time in the computer lab using WordPerfect for my papers.

There’s something about getting the words down on paper; something about typing on a keyboard and seeing those black squiggles on a white background.

Later on, about a year after I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was in a funk. I needed to climb out of my cancer-brought-on depression, so I went back to basics. I bought a journal and began to write a gratitude journal. This writing was not for a teacher; no grades would be assigned–I just wrote. Writing was hard at first. Finding things to be grateful for was more difficult than I imagined. Sometimes it was that bowl of ice cream I ate or a phone call from a friend. But the more I wrote, the more I kept on writing. My journals filled up with daily events.

The funny thing was, when my life became happier, I stopped writing. I was dating my husband, and my journals stop just about the time we were engaged. I had a wedding to plan, and a new job to find. I was so happy, but none of that happiness made it into my journal.

It wasn’t until I discovered the world of blogging that I began to write regularly again. This time, the tick-tapping of my fingertips was on my very own laptop. Back in college, I never dreamed I would own my very own computer…much less a computer that I could literally fit on my lap! Once again, I fell in love with filling up that white space with black squiggles.

So why in the world would I go back to pencil and paper?

Writing with a pencil is different than writing with a pen or a keyboard. The pencil makes a scritch-scratch noise as it writes. I feel the ragged friction as the tip presses across the paper. It is second nature to turn the pencil around and erase a mistake almost as soon as I make it. I can draw arrows, circle, underline. Writing with a pencil takes longer than typing does. It is more laborious, which makes the words more precious.

I also did something last week that I haven’t done since college; I wrote notes in a book. In a strange way, writing those notes made me feel more of a connection with the author; it was almost as though I was communicating with him. Communications he will never see, of course, but writing down my thoughts as I read made my reading a little more meaningful.

I love to write, not necessarily because I am filling up the page with words worth reading. It’s more a matter of the senses; seeing black on white; hearing the click-clack of the keyboard or feeling the scritch-scratch of the pencil; seeing paragraphs form and then having a sense of accomplishment.

What have you written lately?

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Voice Lessons

victorian girls with piano

The two of us huddle together under the grand piano while Frances plays and Mom sings. My little sister and I are coloring. We take the trip down to Champaign-Urbana every week for my mom’s voice lessons. On the weekends, we are with my mom up in the balcony as she sings solos at weddings and funerals and our first grade teacher accompanies her on the organ. It is the very balcony where, with my gangly arms and legs, I trip up some carpeted steps and cut my head open on the radiator. My mom holds my head in her lap staunching the bloody cut while my first grade teacher drives us to the emergency room, 35 miles away, in the same city where Mom takes voice lessons.

Then, for a few years, voice lessons are on hold. My little brother and other little sister have arrived, and there is no time for voice lessons. But the singing in church remains. Praising God with song always remains.

All four of us grow up. Mom begins taking voice lessons again, this time in Chicago.

I accompany my mom to auditions, to support her and calm her nerves.  Mom wears her grandmother’s confirmation ring on her thumb for good luck. Her other fingers are too slender to wear the golden band. She sings her signature piece from Handel’s Messiah over and over again:

 Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion; Shout, O daughter of Jerusalem: behold, thy King cometh unto thee.

One choir rejects her. But another one accepts her! She has the perfect voice for baroque music, and becomes a singer with Ars Musica Chicago. She has the opportunity to perform in the chorus of an opera, La púrpura de la rosa, and I am in the audience, shouting “Bravo!”

As the years go by, Mom becomes an elementary school music teacher, and leads her students in song. When she has retires from teaching, she helps my dad with chapel time at their church’s daycare, and teaches little preschool children how to praise God with song. Mom joyfully becomes a grandma. She rocks my babies and sings them to sleep.

And in that last year, even though the radiation to her skull steals not just her hair but her singing voice as well, she sings to my children in a whisper.

I am Jesus’ little lamb; Ever glad at heart I am. For my Shepherd gently guides me; Knows my needs and well provides me. Loves me every day the same; even calls me by my name.

Praising God with song always remains. I imagine she is still praising God with her singing.

 

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Written in memory of my mom, Loreeta Brammeier, Sept. 16, 1942-Nov. 23, 2009