Celebrating firsts, whether I’m with her or not

I’ve been there for most of my first daughter’s firsts. First tooth, first steps, first day of preschool, first time riding a bike without training wheels.

First day of preschool
First day of preschool

I listened to her read her first book, Olivia’s Opposites, I held her hand when the dentist pulled out her first loose teeth (they wouldn’t come out on their own!), and I held her hand as we walked to her first day of Kindergarten.

First day of Kindergarten
First day of Kindergarten

However, there are some firsts that I missed. When Lily slept in a big girl bed for the first time, I was in the hospital after giving birth to Emmy. My parents had brought my old twin bed and set it up for Lily, so that Emmy would have a crib to sleep in when we came home from the hospital. Lily’s first sleepover was away from home. Oh, how I missed having her in her twin bed in the room next to mine! And there have been other firsts that I have missed because she was in school and I was at work; first visits to plays and museums that she has done without me.

As Lily grows older, there will be many more firsts for her that I will miss. It will be bittersweet for me; I was sad to miss her first night in a big girl bed, but was also happy that my parents had helped with that transition when I came home with a newborn. Some of her firsts make me nervous; such as the first time she crossed the street alone. She came home safe and sound after that first. Lily will not want me with her for some future firsts; she will definitely not want me there the first time she kisses a boy.

Safety patrol
First day as Safety Patrol

When Lily went to the Museum of Science and Industry without me, she came home and talked nonstop about her first visit. I know that I won’t always be there for the many “firsts” to come, but Lily knows that I’ll always be there to listen to all her “firsts.”

This week on the Spin Cycle, your writing prompt is Firsts. First day of school? First date? First driving lesson? First job? Write about a “First” in your life. Link it up here!



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Out From Behind the Screen

It didn’t even occur to me until the chorus concert was almost over. Why were all these other kids singing solos, and Lily wasn’t getting up to sing one? She had auditioned, and her music teacher has always given her a solo before.

As we were walking home after the concert, I asked Lily about it. She said, in a matter-of-fact way, that many of the soloists were fifth graders. Since this was their last chorus concert before moving on to middle school, they deserved to be chosen for the solo lines. It was okay with her because she had already had had a lot of solos.

This made me even more proud of her than I already was. She was content.

I was sitting behind a mom and a dad at the concert. Their daughter was in chorus for the first time and each had a camera in hand to videotape their daughter’s performance. The dad moved over to get a better shot of his daughter, and so I had to move over so I could see Lily. I was just glad there was an empty seat next to me!

I used to be them. I wanted to capture every moment of Lily’s ballet recitals on camera. It took me years to realize that I was watching her on the screen instead of using my eye to see her right there, in person, on the stage. I began to take less and less video. Last night, I took one picture. That was it.

Will I regret it in the future? Will I wish I had more videos to watch, to remind me of Lily’s performances? Maybe.

Last night, however, I was not looking for the right angle to hold my camera or fidgeting with the record and pause buttons. I was watching my daughter sing and smile and enjoy her concert.

She was content. And so was I.

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