Caught Speeding

I saw the cruiser sitting in the dark driveway and knew I was never going to get away with it. Sure enough, the red and blue lights flashed instantly as he pulled up behind me. I obediently pulled over.

I must have looked like hell warmed over after the day I’d been through. Emmy had been up coughing a lot the night before and so neither one of us had gotten very much sleep. I called the pediatrician that morning to get her an appointment while Lily was at preschool. After testing Emmy’s oxygen levels in her blood, they decided to put her on a nebulizer. I wasn’t going to be able to pick up Lily from preschool on time, so I had to call my sister-in-law to pick her up. In the meantime, the doctor gave Emmy a prescription for an inhaler and a special spacer with a mask to help with her breathing. She was so little, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get her to use it.

It had been quite a day. By the time I had to go to Church Council, I was exhausted. I should have stayed home. But I must have thought I needed to be there, so I went. I was a few minutes early, and the new secretary asked for my report. I told her I needed to give an oral report since I didn’t have time to type one up. She responded that in order for her to put my report in the minutes, it had to be a written report. She would include it this time, but next time I needed to type it up.

I was seething. Giving an oral report as my position of Chair for the Board of Parish Education had never been a problem before.

I sat down at the table. Due to a recent rearrangement of rooms in our church and school, Council now met in the old parsonage. This meant I was sitting in my old living room. I was facing the wall where our couch once stood. To my left was the wall where I used to practice piano. To the right was the dining room where I sat doing trig homework. Instead of a dining room table, two desks and a computer sat in that space. The whole house was full of memories, made sharper and more bittersweet by the fact that it had not been long since my mother died. I stared at the windows which used to be covered by drapes she had sewed. The wooden floors under the conference table had been refinished by Mom. Dinners had been served at 6:00 p.m. every night, with all six family members, including my busy Dad, required to sit at the dining room table. As the pastor, Dad had a lot of meetings to attend after dinner, including Council meetings.

I barely listened to the reports of other Chairs. The emotions swirling around in my head made me feel like I would explode. Nine o’clock finally came, and I excused myself early, due to my sick daughter. Anger made me speed down the quiet, empty road in the dark. As a result, those red and blue lights flashed behind me.

My address now, however, is in a couple of suburbs over. As the officer explained to me that this section of road was only 25 mph, I didn’t say that I had grown up down the street. I didn’t say that my dad would drive really sloooow on this same stretch of road just to get others to slow down. I just nodded my head and said okay. I told him my daughter was sick and I just wanted to get home.

I was lucky to get off with a warning. I had been speeding. I deserved a ticket. I would have paid the fine, uncontested. I drive on that same road quite often, and now I drive like my dad. Slow and steady.

Spin Cycle at Second BloomingGretchen is hosting “Crime and Punishment” week at Second Blooming. Click her button above to read more!

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Embracing the Fish

My nephew was carrying a clear plastic bag to the door. I was looking out the window and I could see the bag, puffed up with air, and half filled with water. My in-laws had brought two goldfish as a birthday present for Emmy. Yes, I’ll admit it. My first thought was “Fish. Crap!”

It wasn’t because I would be responsible for cleaning the fish bowl. Because yes, I am responsible for cleaning the fish bowl.

It wasn’t because I would have to remind the girls to feed the fish every day. Because yes, I do have to remind them to feed the fish.

It wasn’t even because I had to find the place to put a fish bowl. Because yes, I did have to rearrange things in my living room to make space for the fish bowl.

It was because goldfish die.

It’s not that I’m avoiding the whole topic of grief and death, it’s just that I’ve already had to talk to them extensively about the topic. We’ve had four family members pass away in the past three years. I was upset because I would be the one who would have to console the girls when the fish die. After I pouted and resented these darn fish for at least a day, I decided that these fish were NOT going to die.

I drove the girls to the pet store, and we bought a new, bigger tank. They each picked out a toy turtle for the fish to swim around. I bought gravel for the bottom of the tank and chemicals to help keep those goldfish healthy. I EMBRACED THE FISH!

I changed at least 25% of that fish water every three days. We carefully fed them only a pinch of fish food. Lily would sit by the fish tank and read to them before bedtime. We coddled and cared for those fish.

The Sunday morning after our camping trip in the backyard, we came into the house. I gasped in horror when I glanced over at the fish tank. Despite all my efforts, poor little Spotty was floating at the top of the water. Even though they were technically Emmy’s birthday present, Lily was devastated. She was the one that had sat by the fish and watched them for hours and had taken charge of their feeding schedule. She reminded me to clean their water. She was the one that would be the most upset about losing the fish. When she found out that Spotty was dead, I arranged a quick funeral and graveside service before we had to leave for church, which ended up being quite appropriate for little Spotty.

The funeral helped Lily feel better, her tears dried, and after all, we still had Stripe to take care of. A month later, Stripe is still doing swimmingly. We even arranged to someone to come feed him when we were out of town over Labor Day weekend.

I’m crossing my fingers that Stripe will stay with us just a little bit longer.

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