Discovered in a Drawer

wig

I really don’t know why I keep this thing; this mop of hair that insurance paid for and that I hated from the moment I put it on my head. I wanted a fun blond wig, but the hairdresser thought I should match my natural, mousy color. I thought it would be fun to have a shoulder length bob, but my mom thought I should match my current short hairstyle. So I ended up with a wig that wasn’t really my choice. When I started running my fingers through my hair and it drifted through my fingers, falling to the ground, I began to wear hats. My favorite was a baseball cap I bought at Princeton when I visited my sister there.

Princeton hat
After my first chemo treatment, summer of ’96

[Tweet “I hated that mousy brown wig the moment I put it on my head. #breastcancer #youngsurvivor”]

While I was teaching, I wore dressier hats. But I never wore my wig, and I never took my hat off while I was teaching second grade. My students knew why I was wearing hats, and as 7 and 8 year olds, they accepted it easily and without many questions. To them, my hat was a part of me. I, however, dreamed of a time when hair would once again brush my cheeks as I leaned forward; to a time when I could run my fingers through my hair again.

breast cancer hat
A picture drawn by a student

The chemo nurses told me about wig burning parties some of their patients had had when their hair started to grow again. I really didn’t feel like burning a wig I never wore. It would have been a useless gesture. (I was also never going to burn my beloved Princeton cap!) And so the wig was thrown up on a closet shelf, moved around a few times, and came with me to a couple of apartments before my husband and I bought a house. In the back of my mind, I kept the wig in case I needed it again. But if I hadn’t worn it the first time, would I really wear it a second time? My wig finally ended up in my top dresser drawer among spare shoelaces and fuzzy sock-slippers, buried away and forgotten.

straw hat
On a field trip with my students

Forgotten, that is, until Emmy rediscovered my wig. As any eight year old would do, Emmy tried it on for size and then kept it on. She began walking around the house saying in a deep voice, “I’m Mommy!” She even wore it outside when she was playing with the neighbors.

My expensive wig, reduced to a plaything. Am I okay with that? Yes, I am. After 19 years, I’m pretty sure I won’t need it again. If I ever do lose my hair to chemo, I’m getting a wig that I choose. Maybe it’ll even be pink.

Maybe it'll even be pink.
Maybe it’ll even be pink.

I started this post last week for the prompt “discovery,” but I didn’t finish it in time. Since October is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I’m using this as my fall post. Link up your Fall post below, and be sure to visit our other Spinners!



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Three Good Things

You know what I hate? Waking up in the morning with a deep pit in my stomach, dreading the day ahead. Fortunately, that doesn’t happen very often. After I was diagnosed with cancer, I had some dark days. One of the things that helped me get through them was staring a gratitude journal. Every night before I went to bed, I would write down 5 things I was grateful for that day. Ending the day in such a positive way helped me to sleep, and my mornings were better.

In a similar vein, my pastor has been encouraging us to write down 3 blessings before we go to bed at night. He calls them “God’s fingerprints” on our lives. I just love that.

This week, I’ve had so many wonderful blessings, but I’m going to pick just three to tell you.

Swim team

1. Both Lily and Emmy are in a swim team this year. This is Lily’s second summer on swim team, and she loves it! Emmy was very resistant to being on swim team, but she has reached the end of swim lessons and swims like a fish. Also, Mommy really needs some time to herself! On Wednesday they had a swim meet, and my little reluctant swimmer came in first place in her age group for the 25 yard freestyle! This really gave her a boost of confidence about her swimming!

vegetables

2. Every Thursday during the summer, my church has been hosting a farmer’s market. I think I missed every single one last summer. It takes a little effort for me to go because our church is a 20 minute drive from our house. Today–I remembered to go! Lily and I have already devoured the peaches and grape tomatoes I bought.

3. Tonight, I took a shower. Maybe this little phrase will help you understand why this is a good thing: after the kids went to bed. There was no one barging into the bathroom demanding something to eat (like yesterday, even though they are perfectly capable of getting their own snacks) or yelling and arguing and shouting “MOMMY” (like what happened this morning when I was in the bathroom getting ready). Tonight, I took a peaceful and uninterrupted shower. Now that is a blessing!

What are three good things that happened to you this week? Link up your blog post here or tell us in the comments!



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