Breast Cancer Stories: Christina

Today’s guest post is by fellow breast cancer survivor Christina. Christina blogs at The Uniboob Club: Breast Cancer Does Not Define Me as a Woman, But My Battle with Breast Cancer Does! I was drawn to her blog by the title, as I am also an unwilling member of the “Uniboob Club.” Christina writes about her fight with “the beast”. She writes honestly and bluntly about life as a breast cancer survivor, and living with only one breast.

Read on to find out more about Christina:

Living with the Monster

I never thought I would ever say I have a relationship with Breast Cancer, but the truth is I do.

Did I dream about walking down an aisle, pretty in a torn pink dress as a little girl, nope I sure didn’t. Did I ever daydream about looking the beast in the eyes and saying,”I do”…absolutely not BUT in a way that is exactly what I did!

I entered into a marriage of sorts with the pink monster the day I lost my breast to cancer. Unwilling, you bet, but for better or worse I am married to the beast. I came to the alter of cancer kicking and screaming, hands bound and breast removed but none the less I was sealed to this beast, this monster in February 2006.

Do we see eye to eye? No we don’t, but by making this relationship personal, I am able to understand her presence in my life a little better. I know she is afraid the day will come when these chains are broken on my terms and not hers. I know she needs me to thrive yet I know a cure is waiting, and she will be unable to stop it. She may see me as her pet, a silly girl with a crazy plan I realize the truth: I may not be the one to cut these chains but one day some one will!

I have those why me moments, especially when I see pictures of my breasts staring back at me. Somehow seeing my mess of a chest in a picture makes this battle even more real to me. I did not chose this fight, but I do chose the life I lead, and I did make a vow to the beast when I said I do… to live my life with courage and hope. Seeing my breasts captured by both light and color is a wake up call reaffirming who I am and the journey I am on this very moment.

I honestly do not notice my scars on a daily basis. I know they are there, I do look at them, but they have become such a part of me, I am blind to their presence. Yes I do look into the mirror, but I see through the looking glass in front of me. I am aware my breasts are not the beautiful well shaped bosoms of my youth but I am not ashamed of their lope sided, scar seared and unseemly sight when I see their reflection. What I am is I am a Breast Cancer survivor. I am a woman who has found the real me in the journey. I am a mother, a wife and a daughter. I am loved and I am thankful for each day I am given. I am not brave, but I am stubborn and I am committed to finding a cure.

I have come to realize my journey, my one on one time with this beast , the monster in my life, has made me who I am today. No I am not defined by breast cancer itself but I am surely defined by the battle I wage against her daily! My strength, my courage. my hope comes from a deeper relationship with this monster. She has touched me in a way nothing else can. She has scared me for certain and she has shaken me to the core yet she has not stolen my joy, my heart nor my faith! These things she can never take from me.

Each day I wake I do so to a monster waiting to greet me. I roll over and she is the first face I see. She follows me to the mirror, smiles and laughs in her most sinister way. She makes a pot of fear and leaves her dirty footprints across the floor. Yes, she growls a lot and at time she even brushes her painful scales across my body while touching the very scars she herself imprinted upon my chest. BUT she also knows I have entered into this relationship with the knowing one day I will break free from her chains!

Yes, she may have taken my breast and along the way she may have even chipped away the years I have here with you, but she can not take away the hope from I have within me. My life is a tapestry of experiences, some for the good and some for the worst, of love, laughter, of tears and of my personal journey through them all.

Christina Olachia blogs at The Uniboob Club: Breast Cancer Does Not Define Me as a Woman, But My Battle with Breast Cancer Does!

Christina and her family

Surviving Breast Cancer

Today, Sarah at This Heavenly Life is featuring breast cancer survivor stories. This is the story of someone who fought to be a survivor, of a woman who proudly proclaimed that she was a 26-year survivor of breast cancer. As we were facing the fact that her breast cancer had become a pit bull that was about to devour her, my mom told me that she did not want to give up. How can I come to terms with the fact that she is not a survivor any longer? It seems like I miss her more, not less, as each day passes. I am trying to weather the storm of grief, but it is one long and nasty storm.

Not only am I struggling with grief, but my two daughters are trying to understand losing their grandma. They are so young that the concept of death is difficult to grasp. My little Emmy, who just turned three, has asked me more than once, “When is Grandma going to be alive again?”

I wrote the following paragraphs in March of 2009, while Lily, then four, was trying to understand that Grandma was sick.

Lily has always been very close with my mom. Grandma stayed with her for four days while Ed and I were in the hospital with baby Emmy, and that cemented their bond even more. Before our trip to Iowa, my sister asked if I had prepared Lily for seeing her Grandma. That day, very casually, I asked Lily how she thought Grandma would be when we saw her again. She knew my mom had gone through her “treatments” since the last time we saw her, and was now bald “like Daddy.” What I think took her aback when she did see Grandma was how different various medications had made Grandma’s face look, along with Grandma’s lack of hair. My mom has taken to wearing hats and no wig, just as I did. As soon as she got special hugs and kisses from Grandma, though, everything was all right. Later, Lily confided to me that Grandma’s hair was going to grow back, just like our willow tree will grow back in the spring.

The weeping willow has always been my favorite tree. One stood in our front yard in Nebraska when I was very young. Their tiny leaves and twigs scatter everywhere in the breeze, and yet when a strong wind blows, the willow is more apt to bend, not break. After a storm, it is the maple trees that lose the biggest branches. May we be like the willow when storms sweep through our lives, as good weather is bound to reappear.

Grandma’s hair did grow back, curly and white. The cancer had aged her, however, beyond her 66 years. She died in November, 2009.

During the month of October, Bigger Picture Blogs has been hosting a wonderful event called “Write Pink!” Melissa, Sarah, and Hyacynth, the founders of Bigger Picture Blogs, have been working very hard during the month of Breast Cancer Awareness to spread the news about preventing breast cancer. Not only that, but they have some great giveaways that are still open! Go visit Bigger Picture Blogs to enter!